Help with grief & loss

We’re here for you

Grieving a loved one is an overwhelming and difficult experience, and we extend our deepest sympathies if you've experienced a loss. It's important to understand that there's no wrong way to grieve – grief is an intensely personal experience that differs for everyone. Our Student and Family Assistance Program is here to support you.

Call us at 800-236-3231 for a free, confidential consultation with an SFAP counselor.

Give yourself a break

Grieving is not a weakness. It’s a necessity. It is how you heal from your loss. Grief may never go away, but it will change – and you will change, too. You can and will find new ways of feeling, working, and believing, and your life can be healthy and happy. Remember that:

  • Grief is a personal and private journey for everyone. We all experience it differently, and we all move through it at our own pace. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way.
  • Grief can show up in all kinds of ways. You may have trouble sleeping – or you may want to do nothing but sleep. You may have no appetite – or you may eat more than usual. You may have physical symptoms. You may feel angry, afraid, relieved, peaceful, guilty, numb, and devastated, all in one day.
  • Grief is hard work. It is likely one of the most challenging things you’ll experience in life. Be patient and don’t expect too much of yourself. Focus on small steps, and set big decisions aside for later.
  • Time is your friend. Get plenty of rest, spend time with people who support you, and give yourself alone time when you need it. Take special care of yourself during holidays and important dates. Even if you’re feeling better, these can be especially difficult times.
  • You will survive. Don’t be afraid of “losing it”– whatever you feel and however intense the emotions, you will “find it” again.
  • If you are interacting with someone else who is grieving, remember that honesty and openness are important. Do not avoid the topic – simply offering your compassion and support goes a long way and avoids lingering feelings of discomfort.

Understanding Grief & Loss [PDF] offers guidance and encouragement for navigating your experience.

Understand the stages of grief

People of all ages grieve in distinct stages. Though these generally unfold in a particular order, it may feel like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back. Understanding where you or your loved ones are in the process can help.

  1. Denial/shock: In the first stage, you may feel numb or feel as if things aren’t really happening. Denial has a negative reputation, but it has an important function: protecting us until we are able to process information.
  2. Anger: In this phase, you may feel angry at the person you’ve lost for leaving you, or for actions leading to their loss. You could find yourself looking for someone or something to blame – and wondering how a higher power could let this occur.
  3. Despair/depression: At this point, you may be overwhelmed with sadness. Concentrating on anything – even small tasks or things you enjoy – can feel impossible. These feelings signal that the loss is real and that your grief is progressing.
  4. Acceptance/adjustment: After some time, you will begin to accept what happened and make sense of it. While the loss will likely never stop hurting, you will find yourself able to remember positive and happy times – and see a path forward.

Working Through the Stages of Grief [PDF] provides more insight into the process and offers tips on working through it – or helping someone else to work through it.

Suggestions for Coping [PDF] offers easy, manageable steps for self-care in your most difficult and overwhelming moments.

Talk to your children

The loss of a friend or family member can shake our sense of reality and stir up powerful emotions – and even more so for a child. Sensitive attention from trusted adults can make all the difference.

  • Offer children healthy ways to process their emotions. Reading books on death and loss, writing in a journal, doing art projects, and just talking can help.
  • Give children honest, age-appropriate information about death. Childrengrieve.org offers a helpful breakdown of children’s typical grief response by age group, as well as tips for how to help.
  • Encourage children to share their feelings. Empathy and reassurance are important – as is support from their peers. Help anxious classmates or friends figure out what to say, and facilitate projects like sympathy card signings.
  • Maintain consistency and stability. Predictable routines and safe environments are important in allowing children to process – and express – their feelings.
  • Do projects together like collecting writings, drawings, and pictures into a scrapbook of memories.
  • Listen and provide comfort. You may also consider professional counseling to give your child additional support and opportunities to work through difficult feelings.

Children and Loss [PDF] provides more in-depth recommendations and resources for children who are coping with grief and loss.

Ask for help

Find information and support resources from these trusted websites and organizations.

  • FamilyDoctor.org gives a comprehensive overview of grief, including typical symptoms and reactions, stages of grief, and a range of coping strategies.
  • Focus on the Family offers a series of articles on coping with death and grief, including distinguishing between grief, trauma, and depression and helping loved ones grieve.
  • GriefSpeaks.com provides information about how children express grief, including what’s normal and what’s worrisome – and indicates a need for additional support.
  • The Reiman Center for Grieving Children, Teens and Their Families (kyleskorner.org) offers a wealth of resources for helping people of all ages through grief and loss.